Болеть

Лучшее слово, которым начало
Дня знаменуется – утро. Я сослан
В комнату, где батарея бренчала
Что-то, понятное скучным и взрослым.
В комнату, где отскребалась простынка
С пылу да с жару! – дымящимся телом
Шепчут часы – успокойся, остынь-ка!
С криком будильника вылетит Гелла
Вон. Вслед за ней поплывёт Варенуха,
Рыбный пирог, запеканка, вареник.
Вдох. Между грешным и праведным ухом
Мозг, словно телом отпущенный пленник,
Скорбно застыл в закипающих водах.
И не плеснет, не блеснёт серым боком.
Мысли хвостом подавились при родах,
И затонули в стакане глубоком.
Кот? Бегемот. Бергамот и какао,
Травок отвары, отравные твари.
В них обречённо печенье макаю.
Я. Пирожок с перцем чили и карри,
Челопирог, как живая скульптура.
Муза, давай, подмени Терпсихору,
В танце подпрыгнула температура,
«Регент» исчез. Ошалел я от хора.

За стихотворение голосовали: negornoza: 5 ; madhubala: 5 ; Alex-1151: 5 ; venik: 5 ; Муравьёв Андрей: 5 ; Konstantin: 5 ; Санди Зырянова: 5 ; Октябрина: 5 ; Сергей Колмыков: 5 ; ольга Фил: 5 ; anitas: 5 ;

Currently 5.00/5

Рейтинг стихотворения: 5.0
11 человек проголосовало

Голосовать имеют возможность только зарегистрированные пользователи!
зарегистрироваться

anitas ip адрес:78.106.76.81
дата:2011-12-10 10:16
Болеть с Булгаковым не скучно

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ФиолетовыйАкцент ip адрес:95.56.76.122
дата:2011-12-10 10:19
В моей памяти многое закопано.
А болеть скучно...
Сергей Колмыков ip адрес:92.246.164.2
дата:2011-12-10 11:11
Лопату одолжить?.. (:
Кое-где придётся напрячь мозг. Обожаю стихи-головоломки!
ФиолетовыйАкцент ip адрес:95.56.76.122
дата:2011-12-10 11:18
Спасибо, нет)
То, что нужно - само восстает из архивов, подобно египетским мумиям.

Я тоже.
Сергей Колмыков ip адрес:92.246.164.2
дата:2011-12-10 11:20
Выздоравливай (:
ФиолетовыйАкцент ip адрес:95.56.76.122
дата:2011-12-10 11:21
Я стараюсь(
Плохо выходит.
anitas ip адрес:89.179.238.28
дата:2011-12-10 12:21
Но Мастер, наяву!!!
ольга Фил ip адрес:109.165.28.95
дата:2011-12-10 10:36
Великолепный стих! Ясные, зримые, плавно перетекающие созвучия и образы! Можно поздравить с большой творческой удачей!

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Санди Зырянова ip адрес:46.118.121.197
дата:2011-12-10 16:20
Искала, к чему бы придраться - не, не стоит. Хорошая, крепкая работа, и аллюзии на "МиМ" очень в тему и очень неожиданны.

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Муравьёв Андрей ip адрес:193.34.8.3
дата:2011-12-10 16:44
"В них обречённо печенье макаю.
Я" - тяжеловат амбежеман-с. Ритм и так проговорить проблематично, а тут точно спотыкаешься. Да и само по себе не очень выглядит, что ли...

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ФиолетовыйАкцент ip адрес:178.88.90.95
дата:2011-12-11 12:23
Я как автор не рекомендую все это проговаривать.
А переноса там и нет.

Не очень выглядит? Не спорю. Нужно было заканчивать рассусоливания и плавного перехода не вышло.
zljkjd ip адрес:95.221.199.38
дата:2011-12-10 19:39
Бывали времена, когда и более лучшие работы читал.
Не-а! Не то что-то((( Без оценки(((

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ФиолетовыйАкцент ip адрес:178.88.90.95
дата:2011-12-11 12:27
Вы очередной автор, которого я прошу сюда не заходить . Не разочаровывайтесь.

более лучшие - шедеврально!
venik ip адрес:31.162.111.137
дата:2011-12-10 20:08
Когда температуришь,и Воланд в гости заглянет.Плохо болеть по-настоящему,по стиху любой почувствует.

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zljkjd ip адрес:95.221.199.38
дата:2011-12-11 15:58
Ну, почему же? Я живу в свободной стране)))

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ФиолетовыйАкцент ip адрес:92.47.212.172
дата:2011-12-11 17:22
Это лишь просьба, которой я пытаюсь уберечь вас от разочарований.
zljkjd ip адрес:95.221.199.38
дата:2011-12-11 18:09
Понятно. Спасибо))

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volandswarowski ip адрес:95.56.129.107
дата:2012-04-02 11:36
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